7 Signs You’re An Elephant Parent

Reviewed by Charissa Chamorro, PhD

Are you an elephant parent? Or maybe a dolphin mom? What about a snowplow dad? For some, knowing your particular parenting style says just as much about your personality as your zodiac sign.

While most experts agree there are four major parenting styles (authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved), some online spaces and parenting experts categorize these even further into subtypes like the helicopter or panda parent. The elephant parent, in particular, has become popularized for their emotionally intelligent, protective, and nurturing approach to raising kids. However, it's important to note that these styles are not research-based, these are informational categorizations that reflect observations.

Parents observed that elephant parenting is distinct from the four main parenting styles since elephant parents typically give their little ones a safe place to express their feelings and receive guiding feedback while still allowing them the freedom to explore and never turning down a comforting cuddle. Here's everything to know about elephant parenting, including signs that you might be one and the pros and cons of adopting this parenting style.

What Is Elephant Parenting?

“Elephant parenting is a newer term, much like helicopter or snowplow parenting,” says Tokunbo Akande, MD, an integrative pediatrician at Sanford Health and founder of Harmony 360 Health. While the latter two are used to describe parenting styles that are overly attentive and focused on removing every obstacle from a child’s path, respectively, the elephant parent prioritizes emotional security above all else.

Journalist Priyanka Sharma-Sindhar coined the phrase in an essay for The Atlantic as an alternative style of parenting to tiger parenting and its more goal-oriented nature. As Sharma-Sindhar describes it in her article, the elephant parent is there to “to nurture, protect, and encourage their children, especially when they're very young.”

Compared to the jellyfish parent which can be permissive to a fault and the helicopter parent who might be too overbearing, the elephant parent is typically flexible and adaptable to their child’s needs. They won’t push their children to stick with a sport or hobby they don’t like, for example, but will encourage them to try new things. An elephant parent also worries less about grades or certain milestones as long as their kid is happy and emotionally intelligent, though they also understand the importance of routine and structure at a young age.

"Elephant parenting is really just about creating a safe, healthy attachment and relationship so that your child can go forth and explore the world. But they know that they can come back to you for comfort and support."

Janine Domingues

“In my view, elephant parenting is really just about creating a safe, healthy attachment and relationship so that your child can go forth and explore the world,” says Janine Domingues, PhD, a clinical psychologist with the Child Mind Institute. “But they know that they can come back to you for comfort and support.”

Signs You Might Be an Elephant Parent

1. You’re always checking in with your child’s feelings.

According to Domingues, this can be as simple as, “touching base with your child, asking how they’re doing and how their day was.” It’s something most parents do naturally, but the elephant parent will show more empathy in their response—like asking how a child feels about a bad grade at school, rather than expressing disappointment or doling out a punishment.

2. You let the kids lead the conversation at the dinner table.

“Actually allowing them to lead in play or interaction—and being present—is elephant parenting,” Domingues explains. “You’re creating safety and structure in terms of relationship building.” Elephant parents prefer to let children develop at their own pace, adapting to their needs over any hard-and-fast rules or strict routine. For example, an elephant parent doesn’t mind letting a child choose the activity for the day—as long as it’s safe and within reason.

3. You have to fight the urge to step in and solve problems.

Elephant parents are known for their nurturing and protective style, but this desire to shield their children from anything negative can backfire if they find themselves constantly helping their little ones instead of giving them a chance to figure it out on their own. “It’s a form of love, yes, but it can remove the child’s chance to grow, problem solve, or fail safely,” Akande explains.

4. You’ll let your child go down the tallest slide … to an extent.

At the playground, some parents like to step back so their kids can have the freedom to explore, while others hover close by just in case anything happens. Elephant parents fall somewhere in between—they may feel anxious about their child heading straight for the climbing rocks, but they’ll allow it with close supervision and guidance on how to do it safely.

“Sometimes elephant parenting can be misconstrued as being a parent that doesn’t push or allow or encourage their kids to take risks,” says Domingues. But Domingues says that's not accurate, “You actually do that in this parenting style—you’re supportive, but also encourage risk taking.”

5. You let your child co-sleep after a nightmare.

Elephant parents are less likely to try the cry it out technique with their baby, and they’re quick to comfort and cuddle a child who is having a bad night. “When your child is sad, the elephant parent validates their feelings,” says Domingues. “Just kind of being there with them, or creating space to hear how they’re feeling and their opinion about a situation.”

6. You let your child quit a sport or hobby they don’t love.

Elephant parents would never demand their child continue with an activity just because they personally have dreams of success or other goal-oriented pursuits. So if their child is dragging their feet about going to practice, they might say it’s OK to quit. This kind of nurturing is fine, Domingues says, as long as the elephant parent isn’t constantly trying to save their child from difficulty, anxiety, or stress.

“Experiencing all emotions is a good thing for your child,” she adds. “Experiencing boredom, experiencing stress, all of those things are necessary. With a nurturing style, you're finding that balance between support and encouraging them to sort of tolerate those stressful moments because it’s necessary and needed in their development.”

7. You’re tempted to step in during a playtime spat.

There will be times when your child squabbles with another over a toy or doesn’t get along with another kid at school. As much as the elephant parent may want to step in and solve the issue, they know that sometimes it is best to let children work it out for themselves.

“You’re not necessarily saving your child from things, but just being there to scaffold so they can get through tough times and also have your support as well,” Domingues says, adding, “It’s about finding small ways to be mindful.” Instead of jumping to problem solving mode or telling them what to do next, elephant parents tend to validate their child's emotional experience first.

What Elephant Parenting Gets Right

Elephant parents typically form a healthy dynamic with their children, one that prioritizes communication and connection. “A very healthy relationship with your child is incredibly important when it comes to learning new experiences and helping them move forward in life,” says Domingues. “You’re creating a safe space from which they can explore while also creating a safe haven for them to come back to when they need it.”

At their best, Domingues says elephant parents succeed in creating a close bond with their child while still allowing for independence that acknowledges support from home. “It fosters independence, problem solving, and resilience,” she explains. Moreover, in her practice, Domingues has seen a connection between a nurturing parenting style and an increase in academic success and positive risk-taking.

When Protection Becomes a Problem

Because of the strong bond elephant parents tend to form with their kids, this style can lead to micromanaging kid's feelings. The elephant parent’s instinct to protect their child can put them at risk of “a style of overprotection where the parent works hard to shield the child from any form of stress, discomfort, or failure,” says Dr. Akande.

“These children experience an abundance of nurturing, but very little opportunity to build resilience through challenge. Children raised this way can miss critical opportunities to develop grit. As school and life demands increase, they may struggle with underachievement, anxiety, or low self-confidence.” Research on grit has shown that kids who work towards a goal despite the setbacks they encounter are generally more resilient and display more grit. So it's important that elephant parents give their children opportunities to face challenges and setbacks on their own as well as with support.

"Children raised this way can miss critical opportunities to develop grit. As school and life demands increase, they may struggle with underachievement, anxiety, or low self-confidence."

Tokunbo Akande

Dr. Akande says potential elephant parents should also consider where they fall among the four classic parenting styles (authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved). Those that share traits with the permissive style, such as giving in to the child’s demands, might struggle more than those who lean toward the authoritative style. “Offer both warmth and structure, nurturing and boundaries,” he says. “That’s where kids thrive.”

Don’t feel pressure to adopt any one style, either. You know what is best for your family. “Ultimately, there are no universal rules for parenting,” Dr. Akande says. “It's deeply cultural and all about finding the right balance—a healthy mix of emotional safety, nurturing support, and clear, respectful boundaries.”

Read the original article on Parents